While we’re not a satirical site here at htxt.africa, we recently came across this article from local site LW. What the article purported to be was a feature about Far Cry: Primal, a videogame from Ubisoft set in the Stone Age. What it actually is, however, is an interview with a very pretty lady in a loincloth answering questions that have very little to do with videogames.

Now whatever your opinion about looking at pictures of scantily-clad people on the internet is, we found it rather odd that this was pitched as being ostensibly about a videogame.

Because of this, we interviewed our staff writer Clinton Matos using the same questions LW asked the model, Francesca Hirst. Oh, and we did an amateur photo shoot because it’s nearly the weekend and it killed an hour of office time.

Enjoy!

Name: Clinton Matos

Nickname: Clint (or Clintinator when I’m being a tosspot), @Clint_Matos in Twitter.

Home town: Johannesburg, South Africa, Africa, Earth, The Milky Way, The Observable Universe

Day job: Writing for htxt.africa, “journalism” like this, apparently

Likes: Reading and writing

Dislikes: Woolly mammoths

How did you enjoy our Far Cry Primal themed photo-shoot for this feature? 

Wearing my factory-made clothes reminds me how important the invention of the loom was.

What are your thoughts on the Far Cry Primal game?

I threw a flaming spear into the eye of a woolly mammoth, and then used my natural human talent to run after it for a solid ten minutes before finally catching up and putting it down with a club. GOTY 10/10.

How do you think you would handle living and surviving in the Stone Age?

I probably wouldn’t. My dad once shouted at me to kill a rat we were chasing and I couldn’t even do that. The woolly mammoth from above would have turned me into a horn ornament.

What would you miss the most from modern day living?

The loom.

How do you feel you pulled off the Stone Age glamour model look?

I’m no Derek Zoolander, but let’s put it to a vote: what do the readers / gamers / sexually frustrated teens think?

Which scene did you feel the sexiest in, and why?

The one where I run around the parking lot a lot. That would have been my greatest resource back then.

What attributes would you look for in your choice of a Stone Age partner?

Size.

What does a day in the life of Clinton normally consist of?

In your opinion, what is the key to expressing sex appeal through a photo?

*Sighs*.

What would a weekend spent with you entail?

The indoors.

What’s your idea of a good time?

The indoors. What does this have to do with videogames?

You have got a jam-packed 2016 ahead of you. What are you looking forward to most?

Not being killed by a giant woolly mammoth? Again, what does this have to do with videogames?

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when we mention:

Stone Age? Queens (of the).

Surviving? Good WiFi signal.

Gaming? Actual games, rather than interviews with glamour models.

Adrenaline? That injection they gave me when my heart failed.

Turn-on? Porn.

Turn-off? The coward’s version of porn and wish fulfilment.

Late nights? Trying to give a half-eaten rat the sweet release of death. Thanks cat.

Early mornings? Wood.

Far Cry Primal out now!!!