The following conversation was recorded surreptitiously in Talan’s Bar, Gadgetzan
What’s up, there buddy? You look like you’re new in town. We don’t do tourists down here in Gadgetzan no matter what the postcards tell ya! Buy a drink or buzz off!
What’s that? Okay, what’ll it be? Yeah we got some Thunderbrew left over from two years ago. It keeps but your head’s gonna feel like you went ten rounds with a stone golem in the morning! Here ya go!
Will there be anything else? Information, huh? Yeah, I could tell you looked like trouble the moment you walked through the door! You one of them Hearthstone player types, right? So you and I need to have a little chat about the realities of your situation before some other player messes up that pretty lil’ face of yours!
Okay, so if you’re wet behind the ears, kid, Gadgetzan is a little different to any other city in Kalimdor. This place sprang up after the Cataclysm hit Tanaris. Who’d a thunk a dragon could turn a desert into beachfront property, right?
Since it’s so isolated, there are different rules here. The Horde and Alliance factions are pretty much ignored – it’s more like the Wild West. We don’t answer to War Chiefs or Stormwind. Here, the fight for power is between three gangs.
You got the Grimy Goons; they’re a collection of goblins, trolls and the like. They favour Paladins, Warriors and Hunters and they make all sorts of neat weapons. Then there’s the Jade Lotus and that faction’s mainly made up of Pandarians. They make cool stuff for the Shamans, Druids and Rogues. Finally, there’s The Kabal who are magic users and yep, they’re best friends to the Mage, Warlock and Priest classes.
What does that all that mean? Well, it means that you now have Tri-Class cards, which are basically cards that can be used across three classes, which can give you cards from any three faction classes.
Say you’re playing Rogue, yeah? You play Lotus Agents, which is a 5-Mana-Cost 5-Attack 5-Health Minion and its Battlecry allows you to pick between a new Rogue, Druid or Shaman card and add it to your hand. Pretty neat, huh?
On top of that you got you got around 130-odd new cards to play with and some of ’em are real doozies. There’s I Know A Guy, which is a 1-Mana-Cost Warrior spell that discovers a random Taunt minion. There’s also Getaway Kodo, a Paladin secret that returns a friendly minion to your hand when it dies. Oh, and don’t forget the Hunter’s Piranha Launcher weapon. Costs 5-Mana and has a 2-Attack and 4-Life and whenever you fire this sucker, it summons a 1/1 Piranha for ya!
At the moment there are just a few cards I’m prepared to tell ya about because, hey, I don’t wanna spoil too much. I will tell ya, though, if you play Priest you’re in for a great time. Between Potion Of Madness, which gives you control of a 2-Attack (or less) minion for a turn for 1-Mana, Dragonfire Potion, which dishes 5 damage to every minion except dragons and Pint-Size-Potion, which knocks 3 off every enemy minions’ attack for a turn, you gotta world of hurt in your deck!
Yeah, the cards are pretty zany! What the hell, man! Look at where you are – this is the goblin city of Gadgetzan. My personal theory is that Blizzard decided to move the action down here after so many players kept bitchin’ about not being able to play with Dr. Boom anymore. But like I said, that’s just a theory!
Do I have favourites? Is Sylvanas Windrunner one creepy broad?
A lotta folk go for Kazakas – you know, the new Legendary for the Kabal Faction that mixes up potions for the player? Nasty, sure, but I’d go for Kun The Forgotten King. Play this 10-Cost, 7/7 dude and he either refreshes all your Mana Crystals or gives you 10 Armour. Now, can you imagine what happens if you play him while Fandral Staghelm is on the board? Woot!
What’s that? You’ll have to start tearing down and rebuilding your decks? Well boo-friggin’-hoo, sport. What the hell did you expect with a new expansion? You’re a Hearthstone player, so you should know how this works by now!
Oh, and just before you go all teary-eyed, here’s another little tidbit: come next year all expansions except Whispers Of The Old Gods and One Night At Karazhan are being rotated out of Standard Mode. Yeah, The League Of Explorers too! So that nifty lil’ Brann Bronzebeard who’s been so useful in your Battlecry-heavy Paladin Dragon deck? Yeah! He’s on his way out buddy!
And speaking of which, I been jawin’ with you long enough! You gonna buy another drink? Then beat it, scrub! I gotta business to run! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!